I watched "Parts Unknown" for much of last summer. I even started watching Eric's show "Avec Eric". I really liked these two, and it's even more sad that it was Eric who discovered Anthony's body. For me at the time, life was starting to become toll-some. It was comforting to watch these two. You could tell there was a real friendship there, at least I hope. One never really knows.
The thing with depression is that many of us do not even know we are suffering from of it. Sometimes it takes an act of love (often out of frustration) to finally show us how far down we've already gone down that dark hole. And as we can see, many of us do not return from the darkness.
The thing with suicide is that usually when it finally succeeds, it wasn't the first attempt, or even the second or third. We will never know how many times he's already tried it, or how many ways he's thought about it. It happens in passing; it happens when you think about the mechanics of it or when you justify the reason for it or when you think about how your family will survive it. Often times, you're already so deep down inside the thick of it, that when you finally work your way back you know it was by the skin of your teeth, or that someone up there was watching out for you. But you know the battle isn't over and with each passing moment you may just be traveling a little closer to your fate. Sometimes inside of depression and suicide, you think you cannot escape it. It does a number on your psyche and your soul. It convinces you that you deserve it.
That is a little bit of what it's like to live with depression, to have been suicidal, to struggle against it every day. I know there is a light. I live with it. I know there is a dark. I live with it. Often times being loved or feeling worthwhile has very little to do with wanting to live or wanting to die.
Each one of us suffers differently. I do not know what it is like to be someone else living with depression or suffering from suicidal tendencies. I only know what it's like to be me living with it. Let us remember that.