Every single day or days or weeks or months. Years even. Forever, really. Don't know what's worse...for you to be completely gone so I can finally grieve, or to be here but not here so that I'm in a perpetual limbo. To be happy to still see your face but to know I will never be able to share a truly genuine moment with you ever again. To be so mad and so angry but to know there is nothing I can do, so I smile and I wish you well, and I pick up all of my broken pieces and I continue to move forward, and I hope I'll meet you again somewhere on this journey. I hope that you're smiling wherever you are up above or lost deep inside of yourself. I hope that wherever you are, you are safe. I miss you every single effing day: my oldest beautiful friend Lisa, my lost beloved brother Lee, and now my precious tormented sister Nue.