Empathy

I had a disturbing conversation last night about empathy, and it's been on my mind all night. It kind of broke my heart, but I understand that everyone is managing their madness differently. I know it's hard to empathize, but here's how I see it.

Raise your hand if you have never said a racist thing in your life? Or thought a bigoted thought? Or made fun of someone you felt were lesser than you? Raise your hand if you have not sat idly by while some (no matter how few) of your family & friends committed those very same hateful acts that you abhor in Trump & abhor in those strangers. I know I cannot. That is empathy.

Start there. Start with the ones you love (that includes yourself). Protect them by making sure they too aren't spreading the hate. Teach the them it is wrong to hate & act out in hate. Next time you hear a loved one say hateful things, tell them it's wrong. Next time you say a hateful thing, remember that: This kind of hate, it belongs to us all.

Then, help the strangers. Not the ones who hate you, but the ones who need you. Volunteer at your local organizations that protect those against hate, but first do your homework & make sure their efforts & beliefs are aligned with your own, whatever that may be.

And, finally, if you don't know what your own efforts & beliefs are, now is the time to figure it out; YOU figure it out. Do not let others tell you what your efforts are, and what you believe in. You may find that the very people who you've been working so hard against is very much like you.

That is empathy. That may not be how you see it, but that is how I see it.

We Humans

Please stop spreading the hate. I know we may all be scared & frightened and the future may seem uncertain, but it is still yet to come. Do not do something today that you will regret tomorrow. It may very well be something you might not recover from.

Please remember we are intelligent beings who can hold many differing views and still function. I believe in God & religion, and I believe in science & evolution. I believe in spirituality, and I believe in technology. I believe that life is linear & cyclical at the same time, and that time itself may very well be just a paradox that we are imprisoned in. I believe in the existence of heaven & hell, and I believe in the phenomenon of reincarnation. I believe that the universe is so massive that we cannot possibly be alone, and I believe that we are very much alone. I believe in kindness & I believe in madness. I believe that we have to save our own damn selves, and I believe that I have seen angels save you and me. What I don't believe in is that God put us here so that we can confine ourselves to being only as good as we have always been, yesterday, everyday. I believe that we are capable of so many great things. Is it too much for me to believe that we cannot dredge up a little empathy to offer each other?

"For all our failings, despite our limitations and fallibilities, we humans are capable of greatness."

- Carl Sagan

Exposé of What?

Can we stop it with the "surprise" revelation that racism, sexism, misogyny, homophobia, xenophobia, etc. exists in America? Even my own husband was "surprised" by its rampant existence. I know it may come from a good(?) place, but its naiveté is irritating the hell out of me.

Maybe if you believe it doesn't exist, then it doesn't exist in your world, but I live in the real world. And I don't understand where the "exposé" is? Exposé of what? Our bursted bubbles?! Yes. That is the exposé. That we have all been living inside our safe bubbles, behind so many rose-colored filters in an alternate America where it doesn't run rampant.

I have experienced it. And I'm sure you have experience it too. What saddens me to the very core is that unfortunately it was not only afflicted by strangers, but by people I know & have even loved. Let's not belittle everyone who has ever experienced that kind of hatred by saying you are "surprised" by its "still" existence.

I have worked very hard to overcome it, to look past it, to work through the demons. And now, on a national level, with its "exposé", here we are.

It's nothing new.

To say you're surprised by it hurts the capitol F out of me. I don't know what to do with that, except that perhaps we can finally have a REAL conversation about it now & work toward a better future. The vitriol, though, being spewed on both sides of the political aisle is just so disgusting to me that I'm not sure we can.

We have effed the world up. I am not quite sure we deserve to live in that better future, at least not until we have built a better us.

Let the Light In

I know it's too soon to hold hands, to come together, or to work through it.

First, commiserate, break a few things, say: What the F! Celebrate, if you must. Then, pull ourselves together. The system is broken, and perhaps the only person who can destroy it is the person who completely ignores it. And when he does completely destroy it, let's NOT rebuild it, let's do better. I, for one, am ready for a new system.

Being angry out of fear is useless because it will stop you from getting to the other side every time; being happy because you got what you wanted is lazy, and it too, will stop you from getting to the other side every time. We are not as fragile as we think we are & we are not as divided either, but we are definitely broken. If we cannot see the forest for the trees, then lets at least see the cracks in the system.

I refuse to let my heart break because I know change is coming. But change is effing hard & it is even slower. Watch it move. Watch it ebb. Be a part of it. It is far too long that we have only been given the same choices time & time again. Are we not smarter than that? Are we not better? We are a people of revolutions. Let's not steep in the stagnant waters of our own mediocrity. Can we wake the eff up!

"There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in."

- Leonard Cohen

I've Learned

I am one year older, so I thought I'd get all sage-like & share what I've learned since I took the day off from work to go to the spa but that didn't pan out, like all of my birthday plans for the last few years.

1. I've learned that self-esteem & confidence are not the same thing, you can wipe away your confidence like a temporary tattoo but your self-esteem is a scar you should wear like a medal & not a brand.

2. I've learned that superheroes are made and not born, which is why you can buy them at the store while heroes walk around among us unnoticed & unrewarded, priceless.

3. I've learned that sometimes you have to meet your demons halfway b/c your worst enemy is often yourself & sometimes you have to kick your own butt in order to win the war.

4. I've learned that life doesn't get harder as you get older, it gets larger and larger means interaction and interaction can be scary, especially for introverts, and that's why they created Facebook.

Most importantly...

5. I've learned that life is made up of shapes & forms, sounds & colors, letters & numbers, numbers that I have learned incorrectly while in school b/c I never learned the Common Core Method, which means I have learned nothing, which means I know nothing.

And age, well, age is just a number, after all.

The Painted Girl & Her Mom

I see the curve of her neck and I think about how warm it must feel to touch her. I wonder if it hurts to carry all of her weight at the base of it; how she must quiet all of the ache and pain by rubbing her hands over and over it again and again; how it never goes away. I remember how there's just never enough time to tell all of the people we know how much we love them. We never go where we really want to go. We struggle quick and hard against all of the things that roll down against us. We never stop hurting. If there's still time, if there's just enough time, I wonder if we would do them.

What Inspires Us to Be

When I pick up a rock, smooth and ivory white, I like to turn it on its back and feel its wet, dark underbelly. I like to brush off the wetness and find its grooves, and wonder about how much time and weight must have laid upon it. I like to think about how unappreciated the dark hidden underbelly must have felt as it lay quietly underneath, feeling the weight of the transformation slowly take shape over space and time. I wonder if it mourned what it used to be, feeling its original self slough off layer by layer, pushing heavier and heavier down into the deepest part of itself; or if instead it waited patiently, nervous and excited for its beautiful butterfly self to be revealed. Did it save a remnant of what it used to be, locked away somewhere deep down inside so it can visit itself every once in a while? Is it wonderful to be saved or sad to be kept away like a deep, dark, and lurking secret?