Infinite Possibilities

I don't want to know the truth. I just want a little honesty. It's in the words you choose and the way you deliver them. Be careful. You can tell someone the truth and still be dishonest.

I once encountered a thief who stole a flower from a woman by apologizing for stealing it before it even happened. "I had a dream about that flower you are holding," he said, "I think it meant something to me when I stole it." She didn't give it to him, but noticed that later in the day it was gone.

I like numbers because they represent infinite possibilities with finite solutions. In order to get to point B, you have to start at point A. The paths may be different, but the destination is still the same.

There was this time when I saw a man dance even though he was in a wheel chair. He spread his arms like an eagle and soared without moving. He heard music, he said, in the length of his arms. It felt safe to stretch for something he couldn't reach.

I think it's easier to face the truth when we tell ourselves lies because eventually the lie becomes the truth or the truth becomes the lie, and we can't remember when one came before the other.

Lovely

Lovely is when your son tells you that he wants to go live in an igloo because sometimes people just want to live with penguins. Lovely is when you open the refrigerator door to find your son's pet penguin sitting cozily next to the strawberries because penguins "should be in their natural habitat." Lovely is when you start to believe you've fallen in love with your son's penguin because you've just made room for him in the refrigerator.

Sandy Hook

Sunday morning finds my little part of the world wrapped in rain and a tepid fogginess. The boys are unraveling yet another mess all over the floor, and I am about to unleash my full-on mom-tantrum. But then I turn on the t.v. and the computer only to find I cannot escape the news of Friday's event. We keep trying to make sense of it all, to understand the boy, to understand the mother, to understand the country. Too many words, no stone left unturned. I am sad and my heart goes out to all of those in mourning, but I don't know what they are going through. I can still hold on to my loved ones, and I wish beyond all wishes that they could too. So on this sad Sunday, I'll remember you and if you were here, I'd hug you, tell you I miss you and that I love you too. And if we learn anything from this at all, I hope it is that life is fragile. We cannot let it diminish our light; our hearts beat on, heavy now, but in the morning, brighter still. Hold on, hold tight.

Raising Sons...

I've never been the motherly type, but I've always wanted to raise a strong daughter, pass on some of my she-wisdom, if I may.

Now, here I am, in this space, with these two boys. I'm a little frightened and a little out of my element. Change of plans.

The lesson is still the same: A world where women and men don't have to be afraid of each other, where we teach each other it's wrong to hate and hurt anyone.

Yes, I would have taught her: Be careful b/c there are bad people out there, bad men who may hurt you, rape you and even kill you.

Now instead of preaching to the choir, I have to demand attention, ask for empathy, require understanding, have a conversation, turn the tables. It's important to me.

It's personal because it's as simple as: I don't want any of my sons to hurt any of your daughters.

I used to live in that world of Be Careful, but now this beast is changing skin, changing wheels, mutating, re-evaluating b/c my world is now, teaching:

Rape is wrong.

What Do You Think of Interracial Relationships?

Questions like these always...cut. I'm tired of defending who I am, or pretending that it doesn't hurt. I hear the whispers and I hear the jeers. I'm either pitied or thought of as "being too good." But really, I'm not. I'm not that strong and I'm not making a statement. I shiver in the cold, just like you. I bleed, if you cut me too. When I reach out in the darkness for help, I hope it's a kind hand that takes hold. I can't truly embrace my heritage b/c I'm always reminded that I've betrayed it. I'll never be accepted on the other side either b/c you're right, I'm not white. Guess what? The white man, he kicks me when I'm down too. And me, I like to kick myself too. I'm so bruised, I think I should rather embrace that other race--black & blue. I don't wear my armor anymore. The gauntlet is closing in; I've chosen my battles and I've even won a few but I'm afraid the war, it goes to you. I'm sure you won't remember me if I succeed, but if I fail, go ahead and pat yourselves on the back, and say what you've been wanting to say all along "I told you so". And if that was enough to make the pain go away, well, hell, I'd say you were right too.

I Love You, Fall

No matter how many times I try to deny it, every time the fall season begins--and it's not even quite here yet--it still leaves me breathless.

The wintertime has its quiet; the spring, its new beginnings; the summer, its lackadaisical determination; but the fall-time is still the only sexybeast that can quell my moodiness.

Slowly, then all at once in its full glory, it reassures me that life really is masterful. It reminds me of how truly intense the mind is and how deeply layered the heart can be.

What was once familiar, turned on its side, has infinite possibilities.

It sure has been a long year, but it's good to know the beginning of the end is upon us.

Yes, autumn is kind of like a firefall.

Humor Me

There's that one trait. That one trait that you know you must have in a partner. You may not know it yet. But you know, you'll recognize it when you see it. Yeah, that's the one. Humor. That's the trait for me.

People list a sense of humor as one of the top traits they want in a partner, but a lot of times they don't understand what humor is. It's not just being funny. Anyone can be funny or laugh at a joke. Nothing is more unfunny than someone who laughs for the sake of laughing, and especially at the expense of others. Just because a joke is a joke, doesn't necessarily make it funny, and you definitely shouldn't laugh if you don't get it. No, a sense of humor is much more complicated than just being funny.

There are so many other characteristics that you must first posses before you can have a good, solid sense of humor. Humility being the first and most important, but lets not forget about self-control, respect, foresight, relevance and of course, timing. I always judge how good an actor is by whether or not he or she has good comedic timing. Anyone can do drama, maybe not well, but anyone can do it. Why not? We're surrounded by drama every day. Comedy, laughter, and humor, that's something that you have to create, practice, hone and appreciate. Just think about it. How many people do you know who can tell a good joke? Not too many, I'll bet.

I'm not one to tell jokes myself. I have the most horrific comedic timing, and I more often than not, give it away before I finish it. So, I am envious when someone can tell a good joke. But, I take pride in knowing that I can relish in it, roll around in it, contemplate it and just plain laugh my buns off when I get it. Yeah, I find a good sense of humor very sexy, and even sexier is a smart man with a slick sense of humor. I mean, lets admit it, not all smart men can get a good joke, and even fewer can tell one.

Without a shadow of a doubt, if you can laugh at yourself, I'm already halfway yours. If you can make me laugh at myself...oh...we are in for so much trouble. It is very disarming, very humbling, and--once again--very, very sexy. A smile is the most beautiful thing to have, and laughter is the most contagious thing to spread.