My only resolution this year: to live a more compassionate life. As parents, compassion is one of the virtues we wish to teach our children. I hope. What I've learned, though, is that when it comes to compassion, and all the other paradigms of virtue, we can't teach it. We can only show it & practice it, and especially grace it upon them as well. Through witnessing it, may they become compassionate individuals themselves, may they appreciate it when they need it, and most importantly, may they recognize it when they receive it.
Monday, January 2, 2017
From Me To You
To all my little nieces & nephews: you are so beautiful & strong in your own different ways. You're all coming of age, and I just want to share a few words to wish you well on your journey. It's long, but be patient, and maybe save it for when you need a few words of encouragement.
Embrace It All:
There will be good days, bad days, sad days, mad days, awesome days and incredibly hard days, but you should walk out there and experience them all. You are the sum total of your experiences, so live a full life and cherish even the bad days b/c they teach you to appreciate the good days.
Don't Be Afraid:
The world can seem like a big & scary place, but it is also awe-inspiring and breathtaking. You may meet monsters, but you will also meet heroes & angels; don't be afraid to recognize them. Someday you may be someone else's angel, so look out for each other, and never give up.
It's OK to Fail:
You will fail more times than not, but don't be afraid to fail. Failure can teach you some of life's most valuable lessons. Just remember, though, that sometimes you just made a bad decision, so own up to it & move on.
Acknowledge Your Successes:
If we're afraid of failure, we're even more afraid of success, but success comes in many different shapes & sizes. No matter how great or small your success is, celebrate it. Remember it for those days when you are too hard on yourself.
Be Vulnerable:
If you don't know the answer, admit it. If you need help, ask for it. You'll never know how strong you really are until you know how strong you really are not. Vulnerability is good because it reminds you of all the things you can't do so that you can excel at all the things you can do.
Respect Life:
Live life to the fullest, but remember that God can take it away in a second. Always buckle-up, always wear a helmet, don't drink & drive, don't do drugs, have a back-up plan. Trust your instincts, and if your gut tells you no, listen to it.
Be Humble:
No matter how smart, beautiful, talented, or awesome you are, someone else will always be better at it. Don't let that diminish your self-esteem. Acknowledge those who are better than you and help those who may be struggling. You'll never know when you'll need their help.
Be Comfortable in Your Own Skin:
It's ok to tell people no. It's ok to tell people they've hurt you. It's ok to walk away. One day you will do what's best for you and you will stand alone, and in those moments you will understand what it means to be worthy of your life.
Forgive:
Whether it is a friend, a family member, a stranger, or even yourself, learn to forgive them. Forgiveness is not an act so great that only God can bestow it; we can forgive each other, and so we should. Peace only comes to those who do not hold grudges.
Let God Love You:
There will be times when you will not want to share anything with anyone, but God will still know. Let him be your best friend, and he will make the good times even better. Let him walk with you, and he will guide you through even the darkest times. He knows you better than you know yourself, and he will always love you even when you think there is nothing left to love.
Embrace It All:
There will be good days, bad days, sad days, mad days, awesome days and incredibly hard days, but you should walk out there and experience them all. You are the sum total of your experiences, so live a full life and cherish even the bad days b/c they teach you to appreciate the good days.
Don't Be Afraid:
The world can seem like a big & scary place, but it is also awe-inspiring and breathtaking. You may meet monsters, but you will also meet heroes & angels; don't be afraid to recognize them. Someday you may be someone else's angel, so look out for each other, and never give up.
It's OK to Fail:
You will fail more times than not, but don't be afraid to fail. Failure can teach you some of life's most valuable lessons. Just remember, though, that sometimes you just made a bad decision, so own up to it & move on.
Acknowledge Your Successes:
If we're afraid of failure, we're even more afraid of success, but success comes in many different shapes & sizes. No matter how great or small your success is, celebrate it. Remember it for those days when you are too hard on yourself.
Be Vulnerable:
If you don't know the answer, admit it. If you need help, ask for it. You'll never know how strong you really are until you know how strong you really are not. Vulnerability is good because it reminds you of all the things you can't do so that you can excel at all the things you can do.
Respect Life:
Live life to the fullest, but remember that God can take it away in a second. Always buckle-up, always wear a helmet, don't drink & drive, don't do drugs, have a back-up plan. Trust your instincts, and if your gut tells you no, listen to it.
Be Humble:
No matter how smart, beautiful, talented, or awesome you are, someone else will always be better at it. Don't let that diminish your self-esteem. Acknowledge those who are better than you and help those who may be struggling. You'll never know when you'll need their help.
Be Comfortable in Your Own Skin:
It's ok to tell people no. It's ok to tell people they've hurt you. It's ok to walk away. One day you will do what's best for you and you will stand alone, and in those moments you will understand what it means to be worthy of your life.
Forgive:
Whether it is a friend, a family member, a stranger, or even yourself, learn to forgive them. Forgiveness is not an act so great that only God can bestow it; we can forgive each other, and so we should. Peace only comes to those who do not hold grudges.
Let God Love You:
There will be times when you will not want to share anything with anyone, but God will still know. Let him be your best friend, and he will make the good times even better. Let him walk with you, and he will guide you through even the darkest times. He knows you better than you know yourself, and he will always love you even when you think there is nothing left to love.
Saturday, December 31, 2016
Dear 2016
I think it's time for us to break up. We've been together for almost 365 days, and you've broken my heart more times than I'd like to admit. You've made me feel so helpless that there have been times I found myself sitting in the dark counting my own heartbeats because it's the only thing I could do. I've had to stifle my joy on many occasions because happy moments only brought on sad happy tears. I don't think I've cried this much in a year since I was a baby. Don't get me wrong, there were happy times too, and even times that I think we're going to be ok, but then you break my heart all over again. You haven't been the worst; you didn't teach me anything. You're not even a rebound; we didn't share pleasurable moments or painful secrets. You're like the storm I saw coming and couldn't escape. You kicked my butt, but I weathered it, and now it's time to move on. Let's be honest, 2016, if I don't break up with you first, you would eventually leave me. Quite frankly, I'd like to beat you to it because you deserve to know that even though you've hurt me, you haven't broken me. I'm looking forward to 2017. He might not be better. He might even be worse. But at least he won't be you. Goodbye, 2016. May the door hit you on the way out.
Wednesday, November 16, 2016
Empathy
I had a disturbing conversation last night about empathy, and it's been on my mind all night. It kind of broke my heart, but I understand that everyone is managing their madness differently. I know it's hard to empathize, but here's how I see it.
Raise your hand if you have never said a racist thing in your life? Or thought a bigoted thought? Or made fun of someone you felt were lesser than you? Raise your hand if you have not sat idly by while some (no matter how few) of your family & friends committed those very same hateful acts that you abhor in Trump & abhor in those strangers. I know I cannot. That is empathy.
Start there. Start with the ones you love (that includes yourself). Protect them by making sure they too aren't spreading the hate. Teach the them it is wrong to hate & act out in hate. Next time you hear a loved one say hateful things, tell them it's wrong. Next time you say a hateful thing, remember that: This kind of hate, it belongs to us all.
Then, help the strangers. Not the ones who hate you, but the ones who need you. Volunteer at your local organizations that protect those against hate, but first do your homework & make sure their efforts & beliefs are aligned with your own, whatever that may be.
And, finally, if you don't know what your own efforts & beliefs are, now is the time to figure it out; YOU figure it out. Do not let others tell you what your efforts are, and what you believe in. You may find that the very people who you've been working so hard against is very much like you.
That is empathy. That may not be how you see it, but that is how I see it.
Raise your hand if you have never said a racist thing in your life? Or thought a bigoted thought? Or made fun of someone you felt were lesser than you? Raise your hand if you have not sat idly by while some (no matter how few) of your family & friends committed those very same hateful acts that you abhor in Trump & abhor in those strangers. I know I cannot. That is empathy.
Start there. Start with the ones you love (that includes yourself). Protect them by making sure they too aren't spreading the hate. Teach the them it is wrong to hate & act out in hate. Next time you hear a loved one say hateful things, tell them it's wrong. Next time you say a hateful thing, remember that: This kind of hate, it belongs to us all.
Then, help the strangers. Not the ones who hate you, but the ones who need you. Volunteer at your local organizations that protect those against hate, but first do your homework & make sure their efforts & beliefs are aligned with your own, whatever that may be.
And, finally, if you don't know what your own efforts & beliefs are, now is the time to figure it out; YOU figure it out. Do not let others tell you what your efforts are, and what you believe in. You may find that the very people who you've been working so hard against is very much like you.
That is empathy. That may not be how you see it, but that is how I see it.
Friday, November 11, 2016
We Humans
Please stop spreading the hate. I know we may all be scared & frightened and the future may seem uncertain, but it is still yet to come. Do not do something today that you will regret tomorrow. It may very well be something you might not recover from.
Please remember we are intelligent beings who can hold many differing views and still function. I believe in God & religion, and I believe in science & evolution. I believe in spirituality, and I believe in technology. I believe that life is linear & cyclical at the same time, and that time itself may very well be just a paradox that we are imprisoned in. I believe in the existence of heaven & hell, and I believe in the phenomenon of reincarnation. I believe that the universe is so massive that we cannot possibly be alone, and I believe that we are very much alone. I believe in kindness & I believe in madness. I believe that we have to save our own damn selves, and I believe that I have seen angels save you and me. What I don't believe in is that God put us here so that we can confine ourselves to being only as good as we have always been, yesterday, everyday. I believe that we are capable of so many great things. Is it too much for me to believe that we cannot dredge up a little empathy to offer each other?
"For all our failings, despite our limitations and fallibilities, we humans are capable of greatness."
- Carl Sagan
Please remember we are intelligent beings who can hold many differing views and still function. I believe in God & religion, and I believe in science & evolution. I believe in spirituality, and I believe in technology. I believe that life is linear & cyclical at the same time, and that time itself may very well be just a paradox that we are imprisoned in. I believe in the existence of heaven & hell, and I believe in the phenomenon of reincarnation. I believe that the universe is so massive that we cannot possibly be alone, and I believe that we are very much alone. I believe in kindness & I believe in madness. I believe that we have to save our own damn selves, and I believe that I have seen angels save you and me. What I don't believe in is that God put us here so that we can confine ourselves to being only as good as we have always been, yesterday, everyday. I believe that we are capable of so many great things. Is it too much for me to believe that we cannot dredge up a little empathy to offer each other?
"For all our failings, despite our limitations and fallibilities, we humans are capable of greatness."
- Carl Sagan
Wednesday, November 9, 2016
Exposé of What?
Can we stop it with the "surprise" revelation that racism, sexism, misogyny, homophobia, xenophobia, etc. exists in America? Even my own husband was "surprised" by its rampant existence. I know it may come from a good(?) place, but its naiveté is irritating the hell out of me.
Maybe if you believe it doesn't exist, then it doesn't exist in your world, but I live in the real world. And I don't understand where the "exposé" is? Exposé of what? Our bursted bubbles?! Yes. That is the exposé. That we have all been living inside our safe bubbles, behind so many rose-colored filters in an alternate America where it doesn't run rampant.
I have experienced it. And I'm sure you have experience it too. What saddens me to the very core is that unfortunately it was not only afflicted by strangers, but by people I know & have even loved. Let's not belittle everyone who has ever experienced that kind of hatred by saying you are "surprised" by its "still" existence.
I have worked very hard to overcome it, to look past it, to work through the demons. And now, on a national level, with its "exposé", here we are.
It's nothing new.
To say you're surprised by it hurts the capitol F out of me. I don't know what to do with that, except that perhaps we can finally have a REAL conversation about it now & work toward a better future. The vitriol, though, being spewed on both sides of the political aisle is just so disgusting to me that I'm not sure we can.
We have effed the world up. I am not quite sure we deserve to live in that better future, at least not until we have built a better us.
Maybe if you believe it doesn't exist, then it doesn't exist in your world, but I live in the real world. And I don't understand where the "exposé" is? Exposé of what? Our bursted bubbles?! Yes. That is the exposé. That we have all been living inside our safe bubbles, behind so many rose-colored filters in an alternate America where it doesn't run rampant.
I have experienced it. And I'm sure you have experience it too. What saddens me to the very core is that unfortunately it was not only afflicted by strangers, but by people I know & have even loved. Let's not belittle everyone who has ever experienced that kind of hatred by saying you are "surprised" by its "still" existence.
I have worked very hard to overcome it, to look past it, to work through the demons. And now, on a national level, with its "exposé", here we are.
It's nothing new.
To say you're surprised by it hurts the capitol F out of me. I don't know what to do with that, except that perhaps we can finally have a REAL conversation about it now & work toward a better future. The vitriol, though, being spewed on both sides of the political aisle is just so disgusting to me that I'm not sure we can.
We have effed the world up. I am not quite sure we deserve to live in that better future, at least not until we have built a better us.
Let the Light In
I know it's too soon to hold hands, to come together, or to work through it.
First, commiserate, break a few things, say: What the F! Celebrate, if you must. Then, pull ourselves together. The system is broken, and perhaps the only person who can destroy it is the person who completely ignores it. And when he does completely destroy it, let's NOT rebuild it, let's do better. I, for one, am ready for a new system.
Being angry out of fear is useless because it will stop you from getting to the other side every time; being happy because you got what you wanted is lazy, and it too, will stop you from getting to the other side every time. We are not as fragile as we think we are & we are not as divided either, but we are definitely broken. If we cannot see the forest for the trees, then lets at least see the cracks in the system.
I refuse to let my heart break because I know change is coming. But change is effing hard & it is even slower. Watch it move. Watch it ebb. Be a part of it. It is far too long that we have only been given the same choices time & time again. Are we not smarter than that? Are we not better? We are a people of revolutions. Let's not steep in the stagnant waters of our own mediocrity. Can we wake the eff up!
"There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in."
- Leonard Cohen
First, commiserate, break a few things, say: What the F! Celebrate, if you must. Then, pull ourselves together. The system is broken, and perhaps the only person who can destroy it is the person who completely ignores it. And when he does completely destroy it, let's NOT rebuild it, let's do better. I, for one, am ready for a new system.
Being angry out of fear is useless because it will stop you from getting to the other side every time; being happy because you got what you wanted is lazy, and it too, will stop you from getting to the other side every time. We are not as fragile as we think we are & we are not as divided either, but we are definitely broken. If we cannot see the forest for the trees, then lets at least see the cracks in the system.
I refuse to let my heart break because I know change is coming. But change is effing hard & it is even slower. Watch it move. Watch it ebb. Be a part of it. It is far too long that we have only been given the same choices time & time again. Are we not smarter than that? Are we not better? We are a people of revolutions. Let's not steep in the stagnant waters of our own mediocrity. Can we wake the eff up!
"There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in."
- Leonard Cohen
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